This kind of thinking got me in trouble, because I was putting more pressure on myself than I've felt at any job I've worked, even waiting tables. And how was I rewarding myself for these obligations? By feeling guilty when I inevitably could not finish everything I wanted to finish. It sapped my enjoyment of life and even drained the satisfaction I usually feel when I am productive. I felt the opposite effect of what I'd intended - emptiness, even a painful void of purpose. I was starting to feel very depressed because the use of my time was, to me, purposeless, and nothing seemed to give me enjoyment like it used to.
I've tried something new this past week and I'm feeling so much better. Here's what I've done: RELAX. Slow down. Instead of trying to accomplish everything I want on a daily basis, I've slowed it down to every other day.
- 30 minutes on the elliptical every other day
- Expand the job search every other day
- Vacuum the whole apartment every other day
The best, most helpful thing I've done is give myself permission. Today I told myself its ok to read the Bible before doing chores or walking the dog. And I did. Yesterday I told myself, its ok to watch 3 episodes of Star Trek in a row. The house is clean, dinner is thawing, I worked out. Take a break with Jean-Luc Picard! And the day before yesterday I let myself lay around and finish Over Sea, Under Stone by Susan Cooper, to accomplish my goal of re-reading The Dark is Rising series before the books are due back at the library. Which, by the way, may not happen. I always bring home too many books from the library (and rarely take them back - trying to turn over a new leaf this year!) I always bite off more than I can chew... :)
Ah, the secret to a happy life. :) You're completely right, yet it's something I need to remind myself of so often. My house doesn't have to be spotless. I don't need to cook gourmet meals every day. And so on. The funny thing is that some of our happiest days are when the laundry has piled up, we have cereal and milk for dinner, and all I've accomplished is reading "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" to the girls. I think God gives us so many gifts in life that we miss because we're trying to micromanage instead of just living!
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I need to read The Dark is Rising. I love Susan Cooper's essays on writing, but I haven't read any of her fiction yet!
I think you would like it, although there is a bit of variation in the moods of the different books. The first one I liked because its more of a mystery, but the second one which I started yesterday is more magical and mystical. Very British and very Celtic. Right up my alley, you know!
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