1 Samuel 1 & Giving it up to God

1 Samuel 1:28

"So now I give him over to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord."

A good example of holding things back from God would be my smoking. I loved my cigarettes. I loved the routine of lighting up as soon as I woke up, or before I went to bed, and how they helped me feel calmer, and as if I was doing something for myself. I kept coming up with excuses not to stop smoking, like, "Now is not the right time," or "I'm too stressed out to try to stop smoking." Everyone who loved and cared about me urged me to stop smoking, and I knew it was bad for me, but for some reason I enjoyed smoking too much to let it go.

This is what happened when I let go of smoking:

I felt better. I had fewer problems with allergies and sinuses. My skin improved. My teeth stopped looking yellow. My hands and hair stopped smelling like smoke. My car stopped smelling like smoke. I stopped feeling guilty for smoking, which is the best part of all. I used to do it and hate myself for it, but not be strong enough to choose to not do it. My family was relieved and I am healthier. I felt better about myself for just being able to quit.

Being without the guilt of smoking freed up my energy for other, more healthy routines, like doing yoga when I get up, and before I go to bed. I can tailor my diet and take my dog on walks without feeling like a total hypocrite, because I truly do want to be healthy, and I finally stopped doing something that was so unhealthy. I have unblocked energy to write and think and debate. I'm not sure if this comes from not smoking or from freedom from guilt, brought by smoking. Either way it feels like a super power.

My theory is that God influenced me through my feelings of guilt. I knew smoking was bad for me, and if it was good for me, then I would have felt good about it, and I would have known it was a healthy thing to do. Even though I kept trying to rationalize it by saying that I needed to smoke to feel ok, I really knew that I would feel better and like myself more if I could stop. I really think God wants me to be happy and guides me to do the things that ultimately will make me truly happy. It may seem really scary at first, and I tend to take a little while to learn such lessons. Which brings me to another thought: if God can wait patiently for me to come around and follow his plan, learn my lessons, and go back to acting in the right way, surely I ought to be patient with God.