I've struggled with a lot of negative feelings about myself. Anything bad that happens to me, I've typically internalized and blamed myself for. Things that I've been embarrassed about, I've felt so ashamed. Then over the last few years I've come to realize, slowly, that all of us are flawed in one way or another, and no one expects me to be perfect, not now at 26, and definitely not when I was 8, or 11, or 13, or 17. That helps me put it in perspective and get over feelings of shame.
I've figured out that even though we and I are imperfect, we still deserve lots of love, compassion, and forgiveness. And we get lots of love, compassion, and forgiveness from God if we open ourselves up to it. I think you have to admit that you are worthy and deserve love before you can accept God's healing in your life. I know that sounds so cliche and at the same time we are supposed to say in church, "I am not worthy." It's true - we aren't worthy. We aren't perfect. We sin, and make mistakes, and look stupid. But Jesus thought we were worth dying for, and that made us, with all our baggage and issues, worth God's love, and our own love I think. I don't mean a self-serving love but a self-healing love. If God loves me enough to give me a chance at life, then I can say thank you by loving my life. I hope that makes sense.
Lord help me remember you when I feel guilty or don't appreciate my life. When I think of times when I was embarrassed or when I looked bad, help me remember that this is part of being human, and that's all that I am. And I love it. I love being a human being. Help me remember that and thank you every day for giving me my life, no matter where it takes me. I know its not always going to be easy. But with your help I can make it good. Amen.
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